$10,000

moving an entire house.

things that have traveled with you

for forty years.

in nooks and crannies and drawers

and closets.

in boxes

and bags at the bottom of cabinets,

inside of closets.

it costs ten thousand dollars

to change the ground

beneath my things.

how.

can anybody move their things

when their things cost ten thousand dollars

to move.

there are no movers.

ten thousand dollars to secure a smaller home

and move everything yourself

because there’s no money left.

the money is gone.

the money went to heaven

and natural gas and the lawn

and the phones

and ice cream sandwiches.

I think a hundred and fifty dollars

vanishes from my bank account every day

without telling me where it went.

you needed damage deposit

and first month’s rent

but you overlapped the month

so in two weeks after you move in

you pay again.

you inventory.

you catalog.

you make the list because the list

is the thing you can do

when the doing

becomes too much to do.

the smaller home has no room

for their forgotten things.

so you throw their childhood things away

to make room for “what’s important”

and you understand

that this is the opposite

of what you have done

for the last twenty-five years.

emptying my desk.

my writing desk.

the books.

the scripts were written on a laptop

that sat on top of it.

the desk itself held

calendars and notes

and pencils.

thousands of pencils.

every drawer a dig site.

every pencil a day

I chose to sit down

and do the thing.

I get to the bottom

and I find

my name

in red —

k e l l y

in a child’s handwriting.

judging by the age of this desk

it was my youngest daughter.

she must have barely known

how to write.

or read.

she chose to write my name

in red

at the bottom of this desk

over a decade ago.

I sat on the floor.

I have nothing left.

I have everything.

it cost me ten thousand dollars

to find it.

I would have paid more.