A Red Light List

OCTOBER 6, 2023

• I believe the majority of us can raise our hands and say, “Yes, we know this.” But I’ve never talked about it with anyone, ever. Like, I’m not avoiding it, but no one has suggested this… and I am forty-five years old. In 1989 I won “Most Talkative Girl” at my French Immersion middle school graduation ceremony. In front of one hundred Canadian families.

  BUT BACK TO MY OPENING SENTENCE.

  No. Seriously sorry, go back. Sorry.

  TO AVOID RUINING YOUR FACE WITH TEARS,

  WHEN YOU CRY,

  BEND OVER,

  LOOK DOWN AND THE TEARS WILL DROP STRAIGHT TO THE FLOOR.

• Immediately change your wake alarm to this song.

  Whatever.

  The opening of Ride on Time is a little on the nose. I bought this song on a single cassette and got a job as a dishwasher in a German restaurant at thirteen so I could buy the full album. This was the the year I won most talkative girl in front of one hundred Canadian families.

  Anyhow. Wake up song.

• I don’t care what vacuum or dishwasher or printer you have they all suck if they aren’t “state of the art” 10k items.

  Get a good scrub brush for loading the dishes.

  Get a vacuum that’s quick to empty. And cling to the printer you currently use.

• Frances McDormand

  Hilma af Klint

  Nina Simone

  RBG

  Fran Lebowitz

  Georgia O’Keefe

  Iman

  Judy Blume

  Sade

  Joan Didion

  Cardi B.

  Amal Clooney

  Anais Nin

  Ursula Le Guin

  Beatrix Potter

  Hedy Lamarr

  Diana, Princess of Wales

• Sorry not sorry, but dreamers forget they’re dreaming.