Hey, I Got Issues

I asked you to send me your issues.
Below are said issues.

Enjoy.

My ex showed up to my yoga class and put his mat one person away from me.

I don’t know anything about you other than this information. Is there only one yoga class in your town? I doubt it.
So, this feels like a power move. But I wonder, could he possibly just be really dumb? As dumb as, “well, this relationship is over so I can forget about it and go to yoga wherever I please.” I mean, he’d have to be really dumb. Like chicken dumb. So my bet is that it was a power move. And power moves can only be met with equal and opposite force.

Part of me would want to choose him as a yoga pair partner and then act like you have no idea who he is. Part of me would want to ask the person on the mat between you for their spot so you could get closer and still say nothing. Of course this is just the first step in a long line of opportunity… but because I have little information, there’s not much to go on.

Maybe he’s a creep and you just keep going back to that class and whisper, “This is really creepy of you.” in a really creepy voice. Or maybe he’s still in love with you? WE DON’T KNOW. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I just stepped in human feces in the mall.

I think it’s important to start by saying that, for whatever reason, I believe you when you say you know the difference between a large dog and human. 

First of all, I wish you’d outed the mall. 

Second of all, this is exactly why we shop online now. We shop online so we don’t have to step in human doo-doo. Retailers, take note.

If this had been me, I would have taken off my shoes, thrown them out and bought a new pair in the mall. If you didn’t, throw them out immediately. Otherwise the literal and metaphorical smell will follow you for eternity.

All my black clothes are not the same shade of black.

I think this is normal? Isn’t this normal?
Please don’t spend any more time worrying about this. It’s truly minor.
Emo has no one true shade.

My boyfriend doesn't brush his teeth often enough,  and I don't know how to tell him to.

If he isn’t brushing them a minimum of once a day, it isn’t enough. I’m willing to be bold and just say it. 

But this one is easy to solve. I’ve had nights where I just want to pass out, but seeing my partner have the energy to brush their teeth gets me going. Next time you’re going to bed, casually invite him to come brush his teeth. “Come brush your teeth.” Truly that simple.

Just make brushing your teeth really obvious.
Brush them in front of him, offer up his toothbrush. He will totally get it. And if he doesn’t, bail. His breath will smell like mothballs soon.