Musk’s DOGE Exit Just Made Buying Democracy Look Like a Smart Investment

The world’s richest ketamine user pisses himself from ketamine and somehow this qualified him to run government efficiency. Tech Twitter is melting down because their patron saint just proved you can buy democracy with lunch money while mixing horse tranquilizer with party drugs.

Here’s what happened: Musk walked around the White House with a 20-pill organizer like your diabetic uncle, except his pills included ketamine, mushrooms, and Adderall. A terrible combination for anyone, particularly if it were someone on the spectrum. The New York Times says he was complaining about bladder issues from his ketamine habit. Instead of addressing this, he spent $300 million to buy Trump so he could fire 121,000 people.

Musk treated democracy like a mobile game—played until bored, bought power-ups with real money, rage-quit when confronted.

Last week he left government with the energy of someone quitting their Zoom job. Stood next to Trump looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. When asked about ketamine, he deflected like a teen caught vaping. “Let’s move on” the universal response of everyone who’s ever been caught doing something stupid on the internet.

But here’s the thing: it worked perfectly.