So, it's been awhile...

Hi, it’s me, I’m the problem it’s me.

I drank one night last month. I hadn’t had a drink in a few months; I definitely blacked out. I had half a bottle of tequila according to my drink and shot count. I woke up with bruises on both of my forearms, indicating someone had grabbed me really hard.
But I was out by myself that night.
But I had a great night.
Frustrating that my good memories of the night had to be tainted with a visual of some sort of aggression towards me that I don’t recall.

I like to have a strong body and my genetics make me bulk like a man. This was me 8 months ago, no drinking. This is the goal. I start Pilates at home today.

I find with alcohol, I seek to destroy. My wildness, generally tamed except around core friends, breaks out. Even with a glass of wine, I become an entirely new woman. Oh, that weird 2,300 dollar gas bill I just opened this morning? (My kids left the heat on while I was gone, living it up like Beyoncé. Them, not me.)
A glass of wine Kelly will.. well a glass of wine Kelly thinking about that bill? She’ll want another glass of wine. And probably the whole bottle since she’s already had two glasses and it’s only 6pm. That fucking bill.

So I don’t drink. Even though I know how to drink. I know my exact water intake needed per shot. I have charcoal pills to take before bed. I drink tequila so I don’t fall asleep. I mix it with ginger so my stomach feels nice. Wine is a disaster, I don’t keep it in the house.

Realities:

I will have a glass of wine, sake or a cocktail at a dinner.

I will not binge drink again.


I will return tomorrow with the story of one of the best nights of my life, because… I found him.