The Secret Word: My Unexpected Birthday Call From Paul Reubens.

Look, we've all had weird DMs. The ex at 2 a.m. The high school friend selling essential oils. The coworker who found your Instagram and now won't stop sending memes.

But on my birthday in 2022, I got a DM from Paul Reubens asking for my phone number.

Yes, THAT Paul Reubens. Pee-wee Herman himself. The weird god of my childhood Saturday mornings was sliding into my DMs while I was eating birthday cake in sweatpants I’d worn for three days.

I almost passed out. What could Pee-wee Herman possibly want with me? I don’t know where Large Marge is. Was this an elaborate birthday prank set up by a friend?

I immediately gave him my phone number to the man whose iconic laugh had echoed through my entire childhood.

His voice was deeper than Pee-wee's when he called, but the cadence was unmistakable. We talked for two hours about comedy. About mutual friends. About how Pee-wee's Playhouse was intentionally crafted as psychedelic brain candy for kids who weren't being talked down to.

We were deep in conversation when he asked the question that left me momentarily speechless:

"So, what's it been like for you since coming out as transgender?"

The question hung in the air like cigarette smoke in a windowless room. Words from another universe entirely, spoken with such matter-of-fact confidence that for a split second I questioned my own existence.

I wasn't transgender. I'd never said I was.

"I think you might be confusing me with someone else," I said slowly, my brain trying to process.