The Sex Was So Good My Consciousness Shifted My Physical Reality

I’m seeing some benefits to being middle-aged that I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing before.

Here’s what nobody tells you about joy after forty: it’s not the manic pixie dream girl bullshit you ran from and chased in your twenties. It’s not the desperate attempting-to-prove-something energy of your thirties. It’s something deeper and weirder and more sustainable. Actually having a past to remember. A long past suddenly feels new to me.

In 2024 I had the worst year of my life and a kundalini awakening with a person I’d just met that made my menstrual cycle come back from the crypt keeper’s finger bones.

I hadn’t had my period in one year while on the pill. I was done. Finished. Ready for the slow fade into irrelevance that society reserves for women who’ve outlived their reproductive usefulness.

Then one of my closest friends sets me up with this guy and he comes out to Malibu to see me and the second we lock eyes we laugh at the absurdity. My body floats. I have to excuse myself. We are both cooked instantly. And we are both avoidant in our own rights, which is the emotional equivalent of two drowning people falling in love with the water.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I waited a month’s worth of courtship before we kissed. We became best friends. We dropped plans for each other’s emergencies. We ran into one another at nightclubs and danced. We talked about each other to our friends like teenagers with their first crush, except we knew better and did it anyway because hope is the cruelest emotion and also the only one worth having.

When we finally had sex, it was not on this planet, let me explain what led me to a completely new awakening..