Why He Love Bombs Then Vanishes: A Scientific Investigation
Last week, my friend went on a third date with a guy who spent dinner planning their hypothetical wedding in a Sedona vortex, showed her pictures of his Grammy's engagement ring that would "look elegant on her finger," and casually joked he'd already looked up moving truck rates. He then vanished so completely you'd think he'd entered witness protection. She didn't even get a "had a great time" text.
I've watched and witnessed singles cycle through this same pattern since 2020: Men who love bomb with the intensity of a romance novel hero, then disappear faster than your last shred of dating optimism.
In 2000, UCLA psychologist Dr. Shelley Taylor made a breakthrough discovery about gender and stress: Women don't actually have the same "fight or flight" response as men. Instead, they exhibit what she called "tend and befriend" - they seek connection and social bonds under stress. Meanwhile, men's testosterone-driven stress response pushes them toward withdrawal and territory protection.
Add a global pandemic, mass existential crisis, and dating apps to these biologically mismatched stress responses. No wonder everyone's acting insane.
Do you want to understand why modern dating often feels like a never-ending cycle of "this could be it" on the first date, ghosting before the second date, and how to navigate this maze of left on read?