Why I Spun In

Medication allowed me a moment to process the last chaotic few years of my life. Starting in 2020, when the sale of PINK SKIES AHEAD was pending and SXSW was cancelled due to covid.

In December, the programmer of SXSW called to congratulate me, “Opening Friday night, after Apatow’s premiere, same press. Congratulations.”

Every day, I was talking to agents about the offers and sale. What this meant to me was complete and final freedom from my ex husband. I’d never felt better. We were asked by a large clothing dept. to collaborate on shirts. Shirts, y’all! In stores and online!

The call from SXSW to our Execs saying they were cancelling was happening in another room when this photo was taken and I knew it, 😂🤣

I felt I was going to get out of the debt my ex had left me with. I lived in pure bliss, from December until March when the SXSW press and pending sale all vanished. My chances at financial freedom as a mom of three faded into COVID, years of being at home with teenagers and then a strike.

So, yeah. My brain? It was no bueno.

My financial insecurity was crippling and I couldn’t stop thinking “what if” SXSW didn’t cancel that year.

I can say I’m not there anymore.

I have work in January, which is the best work. I’m relieved which is weird because January- I am truly fucked until then.

Until then, I’ll just write to you and do my other things. A lot of my free time is spent fixating on one thing.

Here are two of ‘my things’ that I highly recommend diving into if you have that type of brain:

I found astrology in 1997. I went to an astrology class to be an astrologer, I filled out forms and read astrology books in the basement of some woman’s house in Northern Canada.

We had an early internet connection from the University of Alberta. I found an astrology site and discovered my moon, Jupiter in 12th and ascendent were in Cancer- I started crying immediately. Classique.

I also like to arrange songs even though I think my voice is fairly grating. I just sing for me a lot. Maybe hours. I’m on Fire was my goal last weekend. I’d never tried to sing it. In between three meals and driving kids to classes and friends I spent a weekend doing trying to arrange it so I sounded decent enough to myself.

I love zoning into my maladaptive daydream mind, but medication helps me self-regulate.

And my work is self-regulating.

That’s it.

Thank you for your time and thank you for subscribing to this newsletter this year. Its made a huge difference during this strike. I can’t without you. It’s romantic now.