Permanent Retrograde

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Zero Period
kellyoxford.substack.com

Zero Period

Kelly Oxford
Mar 17
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Zero Period
kellyoxford.substack.com

Monday-morning school drop-offs are always weird, but the Monday-morning drop-off of the spring daylight savings day of the year is the weirdest. I feel as though I’ve mentioned this before, but I really hate school drop offs. Kids go to school too fucking early. And that Monday morning, when it’s actually an hour earlier than you think it is, it makes you believe Satan is real.

Bea was in the show choir at her school. That class takes place during “zero period” which runs from 6:55 a.m. to 7:50 a.m. I fully encouraged it. I couldn’t believe I had a kid that was a morning person. More than that: a morning person who wants to go to school? Okay, give it to the world, Lil Bea. But three months into show-choir mornings, Bea got into the car at school pick-up and said, “Mom, I can’t sing and dance at 7 a.m. and then sit in my sweaty clothes all day. I’ll just do regular choir.”

She had a point. A point logical enough for me to nod and agree without argument. A point that meant I would get to drive her to school an hour later.

Kids go to school too fucking early. Do you know how early you have to get up to get showered, dressed, fed and driven in Los Angeles to make it to school by 6:55 a.m.? 6:00 a.m. Fuck that.
To be fair, I prioritized and moved within two miles of the middle school I knew all three of my age gapped children would attend when I moved to Los Angeles ten years ago. Based solely on my love of sleep. So my drive is fast, but still painful. 

I got into the driver’s seat this past Monday and turned my car on. The clock read:  7:43 a.m.

The time had been wrong since last fall’s daylight savings because I was too stubborn to look up how to change the clock. It bothered me every single day and yet I fought through it. 

I’d outlasted an entire daylight savings year. I didn’t change my clock. And now it was right again. I’d won. It was no longer lying to me, telling me it was the ungodly hour of 6:43 a.m. I was a time traveler, screw you Satan. Turning over the engine felt like sex.

Suddenly–involuntarily–some math came to me. I’ve been living in Los Angeles for the same amount of time as an unmarried woman as I had as a married woman. Why was I thinking about this right now?

My car went out of hybrid mode and my engine whirled. I no longer had to drive to school at 7:43 a.m. with the clock telling me it was 6:43 a.m. I was free. 

At least until next fall when I will undoubtedly rebel against taking the time to learn how to change my clock again. Half the year was mine for the taking. 

The summer half. The summer half when you don’t have to wake up early and get your kid to school. The summer half when the time is correct on my microwave and my car and I don’t have to drive anyone to school. I am a free and unmarried woman. This summer is going to be the best. Cue, I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) by Stevie Wonder.

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founding
Ruth Ann Harnisch
Writes I'mNotSure Mar 17

I see how you traded on my love for this song cueing the end credits of High Fidelity and Cusack slaps on the cans. (Followed by Little Red Book)

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Susan
Mar 17

I’m sure this will be unpopular, but I made my kids get themselves to school armed with a cell phone and a bus pass as soon as they turned 12 lol. Mostly because I had to go to work. But I fully agree it’s too early - for the kids especially. It’s great that Bea is a morning person! I can’t relate either.

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