Ellie - you don’t need to agonize for one second over what you should do (IMHO) — which is to run don’t walk from this manipulative, disturbed, bullshit artist. He’s either married, or a psycho, or both. Whatever he is, he’s poison. Block his texts, block his e-mails, and block his calls. Just do it. The cold “adios”. You don’t owe him any apology or explanation. Life is too short to waste a minute of yours struggling with this “relationship”.
“The magician shows you the whole deck, lets you pick a card, then never reveals if you guessed right.” That cut to the quick. I am so sorry that your friend is experiencing this. I know many of us have been there to some degree.
Could be assessing if she has money. Perhaps he has a couple ppl he courts like this at a time, sees who has the most, and then starts asking for small handouts or loans, or worse. She should demand more info from him before speaking another minute, def see license. Need last name for restraining order.
He can only trap her in his web as long as he maintains sufficient mystery to keep her interested. Beyond the smoke and mirrors there is nothing for her.
This dude is actually just a loser. If some guy asked me do I think we'd have be friends in elementary school I'd cringe so hard...what's next, going to play me a song on your acoustic guitar? You're sitting two blocks from my house as though that's supposed to be romantic, who are you, Olivia fucking Rodrigo? Showing up in Seattle as though this is Sleepless in Seattle hoping to just bump into me? OooOooHhhh, hOw mYsterIouS. Grow up. I think maybe this guy has just never had an original thought and has zero game.
The real question is why she is still entertaining this walking red flag when all the signs are there and she is getting next to nothing out of it other than a good story...? Not judging, cuz we've all been there, but this seems it's getting into damaging territory for your friend.
These psychological playbooks are books for a reason, Heidi. this all came together for her over the weekend. She’s not engaged except in work now.. so, because there is contact through work.. I will be updating.
Oh I see...that indeed would be eerie suddenly putting the pieces together because you find the exact script for what he's doing in a book! Interested to see how it plays out.
I've had 2 friends who experienced similar nonsense. One turned out to have severe erectile dysfunction and the other had a visible incurable STD. Neither time did any of our friends guess that these were the answers to what the hell was going on.
One happened in my 20's and was straight and the other in my late 40's and was gay but the behavior was eerily similar with both guys taking "bread crumbing" to bizarre extremes. We theorized that they felt they couldn't "get off" with a partner so they got themselves off with mind fuckery. We guessed that being unable to perform sexually made them feel inferior so they played games to fill the hole where a real relationship would go and to assert control? There was also a weird thing with inappropriate excessive tears over the phone. Him like crying for my friend's pain (if that makes any sense) Which maybe at first we thought seemed deep & sensitive but became creepy and off putting- like calm the hell down my dude. STD Guy eventually came clean. Nasty case of genital warts. We didn't find out about ED guy til another aquaintance dealt with him a year later and he told us and we were like HOLY SHIT. I manage restaurants and work with a lot of young people so now whenever I hear them talking about a sheister like this I immediately think - Married or something's wrong with his dick is all.
He is a compulsive liar for whom performative intimacy is effortless. Sorta like Pringles masquerading as potato chips. And, like Pringles, he’s compellingly, compulsively bingeable but will only leave you sick when it’s all done. She won’t regret throwing this one out midway.
Ellie - you don’t need to agonize for one second over what you should do (IMHO) — which is to run don’t walk from this manipulative, disturbed, bullshit artist. He’s either married, or a psycho, or both. Whatever he is, he’s poison. Block his texts, block his e-mails, and block his calls. Just do it. The cold “adios”. You don’t owe him any apology or explanation. Life is too short to waste a minute of yours struggling with this “relationship”.
“The magician shows you the whole deck, lets you pick a card, then never reveals if you guessed right.” That cut to the quick. I am so sorry that your friend is experiencing this. I know many of us have been there to some degree.
One friend had a no-sex man, but they were otherwise madly in love and dating.
He refused to sleep with her, claiming some sort of complex issue of his own.
Then she started receiving texts from all the women he was sleeping with, 3 or 4, for years.
He couldn't mix sex with love?
it deteriorated rapidly.
Could be assessing if she has money. Perhaps he has a couple ppl he courts like this at a time, sees who has the most, and then starts asking for small handouts or loans, or worse. She should demand more info from him before speaking another minute, def see license. Need last name for restraining order.
He can only trap her in his web as long as he maintains sufficient mystery to keep her interested. Beyond the smoke and mirrors there is nothing for her.
This dude is actually just a loser. If some guy asked me do I think we'd have be friends in elementary school I'd cringe so hard...what's next, going to play me a song on your acoustic guitar? You're sitting two blocks from my house as though that's supposed to be romantic, who are you, Olivia fucking Rodrigo? Showing up in Seattle as though this is Sleepless in Seattle hoping to just bump into me? OooOooHhhh, hOw mYsterIouS. Grow up. I think maybe this guy has just never had an original thought and has zero game.
I wish I knew about shit like this in my 20s
Married
Wow, showing up at the airport unannounced thousands of miles from where you should be? That's when the movie soundtrack turns ominous.
How long have they been interacting like this?
This is really scary. I hope she’s okay 💗
The real question is why she is still entertaining this walking red flag when all the signs are there and she is getting next to nothing out of it other than a good story...? Not judging, cuz we've all been there, but this seems it's getting into damaging territory for your friend.
These psychological playbooks are books for a reason, Heidi. this all came together for her over the weekend. She’s not engaged except in work now.. so, because there is contact through work.. I will be updating.
Thanks for your concern for my friend.
Oh I see...that indeed would be eerie suddenly putting the pieces together because you find the exact script for what he's doing in a book! Interested to see how it plays out.
Sounds like an addict from my own experience.
Run.
I've had 2 friends who experienced similar nonsense. One turned out to have severe erectile dysfunction and the other had a visible incurable STD. Neither time did any of our friends guess that these were the answers to what the hell was going on.
We had not considered this. bless.
One happened in my 20's and was straight and the other in my late 40's and was gay but the behavior was eerily similar with both guys taking "bread crumbing" to bizarre extremes. We theorized that they felt they couldn't "get off" with a partner so they got themselves off with mind fuckery. We guessed that being unable to perform sexually made them feel inferior so they played games to fill the hole where a real relationship would go and to assert control? There was also a weird thing with inappropriate excessive tears over the phone. Him like crying for my friend's pain (if that makes any sense) Which maybe at first we thought seemed deep & sensitive but became creepy and off putting- like calm the hell down my dude. STD Guy eventually came clean. Nasty case of genital warts. We didn't find out about ED guy til another aquaintance dealt with him a year later and he told us and we were like HOLY SHIT. I manage restaurants and work with a lot of young people so now whenever I hear them talking about a sheister like this I immediately think - Married or something's wrong with his dick is all.
He is a compulsive liar for whom performative intimacy is effortless. Sorta like Pringles masquerading as potato chips. And, like Pringles, he’s compellingly, compulsively bingeable but will only leave you sick when it’s all done. She won’t regret throwing this one out midway.
Crunch all you want! There’ll be more!