Our Ubers show up to Akbar at the same time, and we’re both wearing great pants. Hers are olive and remind me of a pair I’d love to own by The Great. Mine are red jean with stripes, and now that I’ve put on fifteen pounds the stripes are curvy.
“It’s basically Disneyland and the penis is Mickey Mouse.” You managed to capture the essence of weho perfectly. I had a night similar myself recently. At least it served up some inspiration for you. ♥️
Mar 20, 2023·edited Mar 22, 2023Liked by Kelly Oxford
You just described the much better version of my 35th birthday, but instead of WeHo it was the sleazy part of Portland. The night started at our favorite dive bar with a cake bearing the nickname she had taken to calling me, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, my favorite. Then dinner and drinks. Then bouncing from a gay strip club to a gay dance club. My supposedly lesbian best friend at the time left me sitting at a table with strangers while she went to make out with gay men in the men's bathroom. Just because it was fun to indulge a drama queen I "admitted" after being asked if I was in love with her (I was not even in like with her. we stopped being friends not long after this night.) and got a sympathy hug and promises of drinks. I stumbled outside for a cigarette instead. After complimenting this tall lithe whisp of a person on the Hedwig tattoo on the jut of their hip, and absentmindedly thumbing it before realizing that was probably not ok, they laughed at my apology and I was ferried inside by their friends for tequila shots and more dancing. I did not need tequila shots, but what can you do when you're 5 years from 40 and your host has essentially ghosted you?
At the end of the night my bff puked up the expensive sushi she had taken us out for on her own car. She convinced me to call her friend Matt to pick us up. Matt does not have a car. He has a motorcycle. She knew this. She knew that there was only room for two people on a motorcycle. It's one of the reasons we are no longer friends. We called an Uber. She puked on the outside of the Uber and didn't do anything about the tip.
Negging and the Pick Up Artist go hand in hand, ugh. Good reference and throwback. He was the worst (not to be judgy though 🤷), I lived in LA circa 2008 and he was always out dressed like a magician. Did he ever pick up anyone? Does negging ever work?
Love the play by play. Hope you get a second date with Katherine.
“You are conscientious” ❤️
“It’s basically Disneyland and the penis is Mickey Mouse.” You managed to capture the essence of weho perfectly. I had a night similar myself recently. At least it served up some inspiration for you. ♥️
We’ve all been there at the point of one drink too many, the point of no return. At least you got to go to Disneyland 🧡
You just described the much better version of my 35th birthday, but instead of WeHo it was the sleazy part of Portland. The night started at our favorite dive bar with a cake bearing the nickname she had taken to calling me, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, my favorite. Then dinner and drinks. Then bouncing from a gay strip club to a gay dance club. My supposedly lesbian best friend at the time left me sitting at a table with strangers while she went to make out with gay men in the men's bathroom. Just because it was fun to indulge a drama queen I "admitted" after being asked if I was in love with her (I was not even in like with her. we stopped being friends not long after this night.) and got a sympathy hug and promises of drinks. I stumbled outside for a cigarette instead. After complimenting this tall lithe whisp of a person on the Hedwig tattoo on the jut of their hip, and absentmindedly thumbing it before realizing that was probably not ok, they laughed at my apology and I was ferried inside by their friends for tequila shots and more dancing. I did not need tequila shots, but what can you do when you're 5 years from 40 and your host has essentially ghosted you?
At the end of the night my bff puked up the expensive sushi she had taken us out for on her own car. She convinced me to call her friend Matt to pick us up. Matt does not have a car. He has a motorcycle. She knew this. She knew that there was only room for two people on a motorcycle. It's one of the reasons we are no longer friends. We called an Uber. She puked on the outside of the Uber and didn't do anything about the tip.
Like all of us, you’re human. I see all the positives… fun✔️ free-spirited✔️ penis that isn’t chasing you down ✔️ good-hearted Uber driver ✔️✔️
Negging and the Pick Up Artist go hand in hand, ugh. Good reference and throwback. He was the worst (not to be judgy though 🤷), I lived in LA circa 2008 and he was always out dressed like a magician. Did he ever pick up anyone? Does negging ever work?
Love the play by play. Hope you get a second date with Katherine.
this long covid thought. accurate uber thoughts
You are such a good writer. Also I am very glad you got home safe.
You’re my spirit animal 🌹