"Every decision was made without understanding my own brain, and everything changed for me after understanding it.It’s hard to explain feeling like your weirdness is uncontainable when you’ve spent your entire life doing a fairly good job at containing it." GIRL. Masking is real. You helped unlock something for me as I continue to figure out my relationship to autism. I was a nanny for 10 years because my "skill set" - funny voices, imagination, chill vibes within the context of safe boundaries- suited the job. I felt like I could be myself when the parents left, like the kids didn't think I was weird, they actually liked me for my weirdness. I didn't realize I was masking with my wife until the pandemic, when we were stuck together in our NYC apartment for months. No one has suspected neurodivergence in me either- they just thought I was "highly sensitive" and "emotional" and "disorganized" or "flighty." Since leaving my marriage I've been able to find regulation for the first time, to drop the mask and figure out my own baseline and with a little research it is so obvious to me- it's fucking autism. I masked for safety- I became a wife and aimed my life at motherhood because I knew I could do that and survive. Ugh. Thank you for sharing. As hard as this moment aka YEARS are for you, you're becoming more of yourself and that can only make for becoming the most excellent mother you can be- an authentic human raising other humans. <3 Big love to you, Kelly.
Nobody needs to be "good at ironing mother" anymore. Most people don't even own irons.
I've referred to myself as "the world's okayest mom" for years; it's the perfect bar. My now grown kids have always known therapy is available at any time and good for everyone.
I feel this but left when my girl was one. Never complete any of my brilliant plots or anything else not sure meds would help me in burn out.
You’re a wonderful mother , a hilarious content curato, beautifully honest, raw and successful. It’s so lonely down in fl as a single mother but limited options can’t date some one staying here due to kids when I’m ready to leave for good and I can’t date younger gen who chase grown women, because they can’t keep up or grasp the stress load and are like another child.
Even back home in NY it’s too hard to make it atm. I hope I can go west for better wealther for my health and my girls love for acting.
Being left to parent alone being so overstimulated feeling overlooked while wearing 50 hats while juggling being an artist raising an artist with anxiety and chronic illness is not a life anyone I know can relate to all I wanna do is sleep when in FL. So glad I finally subscribed and I’ll share your sub with friend. 🖤💋
thanks for being you. I’ve showed all my younger cousins your movie and IG. You’re magical. Never Change. 🪄
I don't know how you manage to keep it together, but what a fuck of a ride you've had since leaving YYC. And then the meanness out there. Way worse than those special gals on X. I think any decent mother questions herself and her methods. We can drive ourselves to madness. We all had imperfect parents, and so will our kids. Being conscious of that and looking to better oneself as a mom and friend is always a work in progress. The kids'll notice and realize that someday.
I had my first of three babies in 2002, just after my 24th birthday. The following 12 years were all about performing the motherhood I'd seen on TV and thought I'd wanted as a kid. Now I'm a nearly 46-year-old who thinks her kids are the coolest and also works a job that makes her feel gross to pay for all the therapy. Reading this, well, as my kids would say, "it hit different".
"Every decision was made without understanding my own brain, and everything changed for me after understanding it.It’s hard to explain feeling like your weirdness is uncontainable when you’ve spent your entire life doing a fairly good job at containing it." GIRL. Masking is real. You helped unlock something for me as I continue to figure out my relationship to autism. I was a nanny for 10 years because my "skill set" - funny voices, imagination, chill vibes within the context of safe boundaries- suited the job. I felt like I could be myself when the parents left, like the kids didn't think I was weird, they actually liked me for my weirdness. I didn't realize I was masking with my wife until the pandemic, when we were stuck together in our NYC apartment for months. No one has suspected neurodivergence in me either- they just thought I was "highly sensitive" and "emotional" and "disorganized" or "flighty." Since leaving my marriage I've been able to find regulation for the first time, to drop the mask and figure out my own baseline and with a little research it is so obvious to me- it's fucking autism. I masked for safety- I became a wife and aimed my life at motherhood because I knew I could do that and survive. Ugh. Thank you for sharing. As hard as this moment aka YEARS are for you, you're becoming more of yourself and that can only make for becoming the most excellent mother you can be- an authentic human raising other humans. <3 Big love to you, Kelly.
Mother, Artist. Artist, Mother... Mothist or Arthor idk You have this, you had this, you will always be this at the core! You ARE AMAZING
Nobody needs to be "good at ironing mother" anymore. Most people don't even own irons.
I've referred to myself as "the world's okayest mom" for years; it's the perfect bar. My now grown kids have always known therapy is available at any time and good for everyone.
I feel this but left when my girl was one. Never complete any of my brilliant plots or anything else not sure meds would help me in burn out.
You’re a wonderful mother , a hilarious content curato, beautifully honest, raw and successful. It’s so lonely down in fl as a single mother but limited options can’t date some one staying here due to kids when I’m ready to leave for good and I can’t date younger gen who chase grown women, because they can’t keep up or grasp the stress load and are like another child.
Even back home in NY it’s too hard to make it atm. I hope I can go west for better wealther for my health and my girls love for acting.
Being left to parent alone being so overstimulated feeling overlooked while wearing 50 hats while juggling being an artist raising an artist with anxiety and chronic illness is not a life anyone I know can relate to all I wanna do is sleep when in FL. So glad I finally subscribed and I’ll share your sub with friend. 🖤💋
thanks for being you. I’ve showed all my younger cousins your movie and IG. You’re magical. Never Change. 🪄
Beautiful post....
I know a mother’s doubt.
I am a mother's doubt.
Whoa.
Came here to say exactly this.
Would 100% wear this on a beaded bracelet... 👀
I don't know how you manage to keep it together, but what a fuck of a ride you've had since leaving YYC. And then the meanness out there. Way worse than those special gals on X. I think any decent mother questions herself and her methods. We can drive ourselves to madness. We all had imperfect parents, and so will our kids. Being conscious of that and looking to better oneself as a mom and friend is always a work in progress. The kids'll notice and realize that someday.
I had my first of three babies in 2002, just after my 24th birthday. The following 12 years were all about performing the motherhood I'd seen on TV and thought I'd wanted as a kid. Now I'm a nearly 46-year-old who thinks her kids are the coolest and also works a job that makes her feel gross to pay for all the therapy. Reading this, well, as my kids would say, "it hit different".