I usually force myself to wait for a few episodes of whatever show to build up so I can get the max dose of what it offers and I feel like that approach here worked perfectly! (not always, but in the last 3 posts particularly.) Thanks for the max dose, Kelly.
This reminds me of something I used to say, “I’m not well but I’m better than I used to be.” It was kind of tongue in cheek but I knew that as long as I felt a little better in some way I could hang my hat on that. Be well Kelly.
In the words of Carrie Fisher, you are creating art from your broken heart, and I'll add, your fast brain. I hope you don't always think it's a bad thing. I have a fast brain too, so I relate in a way. I gave up on medication in my teens and have gone the holistic route for a while now with no complaints. Supplements not just yoga and meditation which I know you do. Not a fan of talk therapy, it's not for everyone. It is ever evolving and you know what works best for you. Kinesiologists (sp?) are my go to for most medical needs. I mentioned a while ago in another comment thread about how helpful their muscle testing is, for multiple ailments and issues. Tapping helps regulating thoughts and emotions though I do not do it regularly. I find parts of Arizona quite beautiful and healing on their own. Not sure if you're a hiking person, though if you are, I highly recommend a hike on a local trail if you haven't already. Very therapeutic. My apologies if you are not a hiking person and for the unsolicited advice, I can't help it. 🙃 Finding solutions, a groove, or even happiness and then things falling apart is a frustrating part of the journey. I am finding the adventure in the uncertainty can be the best part, at least that is what I am telling myself. Also, practicing self-forgiveness helps me move forward from others expectations or opinions, that honestly do not even matter, even if it does hurt or they feel justified in it. Easier said than done. I am noticing that the ones with the different brains are being supported by the universe in unexpected ways. That is why the resistance is so strong, it is angering a lot of people. You are standing in your truth and that is so powerful and not easy to do. I agree with the comment above that your nervous system needs time to settle in to the changes and that includes your brain. There is so much newness and letting go of all that feels familiar to move forward, it's jarring and takes time to adjust. I have a feeling it will all come together and fall into place soon. For all of us. Breakthroughs are coming. Sending you all the love. 💛💛💛
💜 I struggled my whole life. After having my kiddo, we were both diagnosed adhd and autistic (and ptsd+ ocd for me). It's been life changing. It didn't make life perfect by any means, but knowing that my brain works differently than the most people helped me to give myself grace. We all deserve to give ourselves grace. I hope you get the answers you need. Sending you love.
The most frustrating and difficult part of living with the brain I have been given has been navigating the mental heath system in America. Yes, more difficult than living with my mental illness (debilitating anxiety & depression, suicidal ideation, etc...) has been finding someone to actually help me. I have been through more psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and nurse practitioners than I care to remember - and the one thing they've all had in common to this point is a feeling of coldness.
I was about 11 years old the first time I asked my parents if I could speak with a therapist. I knew I was having feelings I couldn't explain and wanted help sorting them out from someone who wasn't my parents (ie objective). From that frustrating first experience with a man older than dust who could not understand or relate less to me and what I was feeling, I have struggled to find exactly that.
Moreover, each time I try, it means an $$$ appointment or three, where I will again brief a quiet stranger with a notepad on the most difficult and traumatic experiences of my life after which I am then left to decide if the "match" is good. Well, I just turned 30 at the beginning of this year and I am so tired. I want help; really, I know I need help, and I have been trying so hard to find it for about two decades, but I am running out of ideas for where to turn.
If anyone out there happens to read this and has some secret knowledge of where a person can find affordable, compassionate mental healthcare in this day and age I would love to read what you have to say.
In a complete 180 aside, Kelly, I've been such a fan of you and your writing for a long time. I look forward to a time when I am hopefully in a more financially secure place that I can return a small gesture for all of the laughs and feelings. Wishing you all of the best in your continued journey.
I tried a psych who talked to me for all of 5 mins and charged me 450 that I cannot afford. Luckily she forgot to charge me and I keep receiving bills and I keep writing on them that the recipient no longer lives at the address and sending them back.. i am still trying to figure out what is wrong with me but being a California native in America.. I am waiting until I graduate college and find a career to receive insurance to get me closer to a solution.
I get it. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, there wasn't a lot of awareness and a lot of "she'll grow out of it." It never occurred to me that my brain was floating in alphabet soup. It wasn't until I told my therapist that my boss mocked me for literally not being able to tell my left from my right that he perked up and gave me a bunch of tests and questionnaires and said "you have ADHD." I guess that's a symptom? I had to figure out another way to understand it - my heart is on the left, so "my heart is never right." And there's more. Too much more. But I'm so glad you are in a healing place and I'm sending all my best healing thoughts. No matter what, your brain is beautiful. Love you! ❤️
My daughter (14) has a near identical diagnosis, originally GAD, now OCD(Contamination), ADHD, NVLD/borderline ASD. We have been on the med train for a year and it's a mess. There is so much symptom overlap, it's hard to know what's working and what's hurting. Look forward to hearing is this experience is helpful.
Your brain may be just right for your purpose in life. I have been trained in TM Meditation and Ziva meditation and I must say it quiets my mind to a beautiful, non triggered neutral place. I hope they don't medicate you into complacency. Brilliance looks different to many people. Much love and peace to you on your journey. You've endured a lot of stress and perhaps your parasympathetic nervous system desires a reset and sometimes that is not in the form of medication but drastic lifestyle changes. We love you and your transparent, vulnerable work. You're an absolute treasure of a human being. xo
Having a brain that doesn't "conform" to the way the world wants them to be is like being in a labyrinth with no sense of direction. Not lost, but having a hard time figuring out if you should go left, right, or turn around and go back.
Finding people in your worldview, people that bring you joy for being who they are, is such a good feeling.
I usually force myself to wait for a few episodes of whatever show to build up so I can get the max dose of what it offers and I feel like that approach here worked perfectly! (not always, but in the last 3 posts particularly.) Thanks for the max dose, Kelly.
The gift and the curse of the too fast brain. I feel you. I hope yours gets the calm it needs right now and you feel more well very soon. xo
”I have a good brain that doesn’t exactly fit this society.”
Felt something reading that sentence. I hope it's simple for you today!
This reminds me of something I used to say, “I’m not well but I’m better than I used to be.” It was kind of tongue in cheek but I knew that as long as I felt a little better in some way I could hang my hat on that. Be well Kelly.
In the words of Carrie Fisher, you are creating art from your broken heart, and I'll add, your fast brain. I hope you don't always think it's a bad thing. I have a fast brain too, so I relate in a way. I gave up on medication in my teens and have gone the holistic route for a while now with no complaints. Supplements not just yoga and meditation which I know you do. Not a fan of talk therapy, it's not for everyone. It is ever evolving and you know what works best for you. Kinesiologists (sp?) are my go to for most medical needs. I mentioned a while ago in another comment thread about how helpful their muscle testing is, for multiple ailments and issues. Tapping helps regulating thoughts and emotions though I do not do it regularly. I find parts of Arizona quite beautiful and healing on their own. Not sure if you're a hiking person, though if you are, I highly recommend a hike on a local trail if you haven't already. Very therapeutic. My apologies if you are not a hiking person and for the unsolicited advice, I can't help it. 🙃 Finding solutions, a groove, or even happiness and then things falling apart is a frustrating part of the journey. I am finding the adventure in the uncertainty can be the best part, at least that is what I am telling myself. Also, practicing self-forgiveness helps me move forward from others expectations or opinions, that honestly do not even matter, even if it does hurt or they feel justified in it. Easier said than done. I am noticing that the ones with the different brains are being supported by the universe in unexpected ways. That is why the resistance is so strong, it is angering a lot of people. You are standing in your truth and that is so powerful and not easy to do. I agree with the comment above that your nervous system needs time to settle in to the changes and that includes your brain. There is so much newness and letting go of all that feels familiar to move forward, it's jarring and takes time to adjust. I have a feeling it will all come together and fall into place soon. For all of us. Breakthroughs are coming. Sending you all the love. 💛💛💛
Will upgrade again shortly. Promise. xx
💜 I struggled my whole life. After having my kiddo, we were both diagnosed adhd and autistic (and ptsd+ ocd for me). It's been life changing. It didn't make life perfect by any means, but knowing that my brain works differently than the most people helped me to give myself grace. We all deserve to give ourselves grace. I hope you get the answers you need. Sending you love.
I feel this hard. Glad you are exactly where you are right now. ♥️
The most frustrating and difficult part of living with the brain I have been given has been navigating the mental heath system in America. Yes, more difficult than living with my mental illness (debilitating anxiety & depression, suicidal ideation, etc...) has been finding someone to actually help me. I have been through more psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and nurse practitioners than I care to remember - and the one thing they've all had in common to this point is a feeling of coldness.
I was about 11 years old the first time I asked my parents if I could speak with a therapist. I knew I was having feelings I couldn't explain and wanted help sorting them out from someone who wasn't my parents (ie objective). From that frustrating first experience with a man older than dust who could not understand or relate less to me and what I was feeling, I have struggled to find exactly that.
Moreover, each time I try, it means an $$$ appointment or three, where I will again brief a quiet stranger with a notepad on the most difficult and traumatic experiences of my life after which I am then left to decide if the "match" is good. Well, I just turned 30 at the beginning of this year and I am so tired. I want help; really, I know I need help, and I have been trying so hard to find it for about two decades, but I am running out of ideas for where to turn.
If anyone out there happens to read this and has some secret knowledge of where a person can find affordable, compassionate mental healthcare in this day and age I would love to read what you have to say.
In a complete 180 aside, Kelly, I've been such a fan of you and your writing for a long time. I look forward to a time when I am hopefully in a more financially secure place that I can return a small gesture for all of the laughs and feelings. Wishing you all of the best in your continued journey.
So many of the symptoms for ADHD are similar to PTSD and Borderline, I have PTSD and treatment-resistant depression and it is HARD.
I tried a psych who talked to me for all of 5 mins and charged me 450 that I cannot afford. Luckily she forgot to charge me and I keep receiving bills and I keep writing on them that the recipient no longer lives at the address and sending them back.. i am still trying to figure out what is wrong with me but being a California native in America.. I am waiting until I graduate college and find a career to receive insurance to get me closer to a solution.
I get it. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, there wasn't a lot of awareness and a lot of "she'll grow out of it." It never occurred to me that my brain was floating in alphabet soup. It wasn't until I told my therapist that my boss mocked me for literally not being able to tell my left from my right that he perked up and gave me a bunch of tests and questionnaires and said "you have ADHD." I guess that's a symptom? I had to figure out another way to understand it - my heart is on the left, so "my heart is never right." And there's more. Too much more. But I'm so glad you are in a healing place and I'm sending all my best healing thoughts. No matter what, your brain is beautiful. Love you! ❤️
My daughter (14) has a near identical diagnosis, originally GAD, now OCD(Contamination), ADHD, NVLD/borderline ASD. We have been on the med train for a year and it's a mess. There is so much symptom overlap, it's hard to know what's working and what's hurting. Look forward to hearing is this experience is helpful.
Your brain may be just right for your purpose in life. I have been trained in TM Meditation and Ziva meditation and I must say it quiets my mind to a beautiful, non triggered neutral place. I hope they don't medicate you into complacency. Brilliance looks different to many people. Much love and peace to you on your journey. You've endured a lot of stress and perhaps your parasympathetic nervous system desires a reset and sometimes that is not in the form of medication but drastic lifestyle changes. We love you and your transparent, vulnerable work. You're an absolute treasure of a human being. xo
Having a brain that doesn't "conform" to the way the world wants them to be is like being in a labyrinth with no sense of direction. Not lost, but having a hard time figuring out if you should go left, right, or turn around and go back.
Finding people in your worldview, people that bring you joy for being who they are, is such a good feeling.